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My company, Gocella, moved offices this week. The elevator wasn’t working. The deliveries did not show up. The internet didn’t work. When Internet doesn’t work you feel like you might never connect to anyone or anything ever again.
I felt lonely. I missed the old office. And I hate change and the fact that I had to move because no clients want to come to New Jersey.
Then I received a call from that someone special, asking me to take a break and meet for a bit outside, “wanna take a walk?” If this were about 12 months ago I would have said I can’t too busy and anxious about getting this move right.
HOWEVER, I VOWED TO MYSELF and her priorities have changed and my personal life and her come first.
Since I made this change, guess what? I have made more success in my life.
I have really been able to embrace the good stuff and enjoy moments I used to let slip by.
So I excused myself from the team and headed out to meet her, we walked a bit and then found a park to just sit in the grass and talk about our day, our weekend plans and just smile at each other.
That sounds like corny BS. But I vowed to myself to be corny…it’s honest.
On a tough day, an entrepreneur needs breaks. The more busy you think you are, the more breaks you need. At least for me this is true.
Gocella is not my first start up but it is the most important company I have ever started…I designed product with a great team that will enhance and innovate the future of direct marketing across mobile and social. The experience of the team behind Gocella is pretty crazy, so crazy I can’t believe the team we have from dev, to tech, to sales, to corporate. I am really blessed.
After a day of my brain being electrocuted, I met my friend Bugsy for a beer and he invited me to the Eminem concert for Gshock. Effin Eminem!
I turned it down and headed home.
Just having a beer with Bugsy was a bonus we have been friends for about 19 years. Eminem would’ve lasted one night. Bugsy is my friend for life.
This was truly one of those days to be grateful. You having zero doubts who real friends are. You know when someone really cares, you got to be productive…you stayed inspired and dedicated. If I can have that every day that’s worth a gazillion dollars.
On the drive home there was an accident. Ambulances and police and lights flashing everywhere. My usual 25 minutes was 90 minutes. I switched from Jay Z to classical and some Andrea Bocelli. Wall to wall traffic.
I felt like I was never going to move again.
What a great day.
I was wondering:
Yup I know this list can go on and on and it’s a daily list we go through personally and professionally everyday and we all have one!
I don’t have to do much I’m an entrepreneur… I could wake up late, miss a meeting, take a day off to spend with my special someone, play pinball, I could send every call to voice mail, I could ignore any email I want and I can stop time that’s my super power. Well the real power and freedom is knowing I can do all of these things so I work that much harder on my life and my work.
However I will not progress, I will not beat my competition, my company won’t grow, I will fail, but I succeed and fight the fight because I know if I really wanted to I could stop time for a moment and all can be ok. This freedom is a gift that I must use wisely and share with only the most special people and parts of my life.
So how do we decide what we should do, I have thought about this a lot and sought advice from many but my friend James really broke it down to me by enhancing Einstein’s law of relativity to his own law to be announced by him. James and I agree a lot in business I’m his protege and business partner but more importantly his friend. I respect his advice.
Choosing whose advice to follow in life is very difficult in business and personal so I came up with my own rules on whose advice to listen closely to and sometimes follow. Also keeping in mind advice from others can be just a piece to of the advice we need to give ourselves.
Business Advice: This one is a bit easier for me because it’s more mathematical:
Personal Advice: Comes down to just a few MAJOR rules/questions I have:
The gut…what does that mean, do we grab our stomach and ask it what to do, do we wait until we think about something so much we throw up and then boom there is the answer in the toilet bowl we are hugging?
My gut is my heart and every day I look closely at what I do to see if I followed my heart’s guide me and then look at the outcome of all those things all those “shoulds” and how it made me feel emotionally and physically.
It is tough the anxiety that comes with this way of following your heart. My heart knows my brain well they have been working together a long time so I trust them. My decisions now come from a conversation between my heart and my brain that turns into heated arguments sometimes as my heart fears nothing sees no risk and my brain is concerned with emotions and how that may affect me, in the end they are both trying to protect me.
Emotions are tough, smiles, tears, butterflies in our stomach and fear sometimes all at once.
I feel so tough saying this as if I can handle any emotion and just move on…total opposite I am nervous wreck, I worry about my list of shoulds, I worry if people like me, I worry if I can’t close a deal in time, I pace for hours at times to think of all these things I can’t control but need to understand, I stay awake for hours worrying about other people, finances, product, family and love. This is because I care and when I am passionate about something or someone I must give my all…my best.
I am able to keep a lot of these emotions to myself or oddly feel they are meant for someone special to only know about so I can either scare them away or feel safe that they know my crazy side and still like me. So they can be the same with me and feel safe that I appreciate even their crazy side.
We are all “crazy”, we are all afraid of our feelings and we all just want to be loved for who we are…we all bleed.
My heart guides all of me and with my brain helps me have spirit so I can feel the decisions I make, so I can take risks to be me, so I can show the right people the right parts of me so I can obtain freedom and share it.
After 38 years I thought nothing could feel that new I was wrong everything is new everyday so treat your first like your last and your last like your first.
Listen to your heart and argue with yourself, you know you better than anyone.
It doesn’t take very long when someone gets to know me a bit to learn I’m pretty unfiltered and honest about just about anything…I hope this is a good thing.
So recently more people are telling me I look happy, I’m smiling more.
If you remember the Patch Adams film with Robin Williams there is a great scene when he is testing and demonstrating his smile theory:
As Patch and Truman wander around smiling and greeting strangers, we as viewers smile, too.
For some time I had been extra sensitive about letting anyone into the inner circle of me, we have all been there when someone has hurt us, betrayed us, or just turned out to not be the person we thought they were, or things just didn’t work out and the hurt that comes from this discovery. A hurt that feels like it may never go away. This is not just in a relationship it could be anything we had high hopes and expectations about and it didn’t turn out positive, things just didn’t work out.
I wasn’t sure how much time it would take or what it would take to allow me to open up and listen to my heart versus being so over protective of myself and not having the opportunity to let someone be closer to me and for me to enjoy me more. Then it happened and It was a smile!
Well that’s where it started and now is still one of the biggest reasons I have opened up to caring aout and trusting someone. I know just a smile doesn’t seem to be enough but there is more to a smile than one immediately thinks. So much more.
Her smile melted me, then her kiss opened me.
For me in the beginning it was the ability to see her smile with just a close of my eyes, then it was being able to feel the sincerity of her smile and how much more it was saying, most importantly when someone smiles and looks you in your eyes they are telling you something only meant for your eyes and heart…it’s doesn’t need to be said. There is a special connection forming when this starts happening it’s usually when you realize you care about this person, how they feel, if they are OK if they are happy, you want to make them happier, you want them to know you care.
I’m not saying two people need to be falling head over heels in love, could be dating, seeing each other or some other kinda label to have this connection this could be just a moment, but a moment that you want to last for as long as you choose to want to keep smiling, be happy and trust. Two people can form their own unique relationship around just being happy on each other’s personal terms and honesty no rules need apply. Just keep making each other smile inside and out.
I’m happier and I’m smiling more and happy with me and I notice other parts of my life family, friends, and work are progressing and evolving all positively. I hope it’s for the simple reason of I’m smiling and someone is smiling at me, because it can and should be that simple we don’t have to over complicate it.
My work is a major part of my life and my time so it’s usually the people I work with that pick up quickly that I wear my heart on my sleeve and I hope notice that I do this so that it defines me and I am someone who can be trusted and stand behind my words.
“You must look inside you, Sure books can guide you, But your heart defines you” Jay Z
I’m not exactly walking into meetings and anywhere with a kool-aid smile on my face…I’m smiling inside as well, that for me is when I know I’m really happy with me and feel I can accomplish so much more and give so much more of me to someone special, my loved ones, good friends and the things in life that enjoy my happiness and I look forward to making happy. This is part of my own personal definition of feeling successful.
As Mary Poppins said, “In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun.”
Life is work, we work to be smarter, to have more freedom, to be successful however we define success, we work to make the people we care about know how much we care, and we work on being a better us. We can choose to have fun doing this and see the fruits of our labors in our smiles and the smiles we inspire in others.
We should stay open minded and have an open heart for the smiles around us from that special someone, friends, family and total strangers and the moment that you notice the smile you can immediately feel a need to smile and feel good things in your life with that smile. Call it smile inspiration, get and give smile inspiration and good things come, anxieties and worries will go away and you get to enjoy YOU more and more.
So thank you, you know who you are bella!
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