My company, Gocella, moved offices this week. The elevator wasn’t working. The deliveries did not show up. The internet didn’t work. When Internet doesn’t work you feel like you might never connect to anyone or anything ever again.
I felt lonely. I missed the old office. And I hate change and the fact that I had to move because no clients want to come to New Jersey.
Then I received a call from that someone special, asking me to take a break and meet for a bit outside, “wanna take a walk?” If this were about 12 months ago I would have said I can’t too busy and anxious about getting this move right.
HOWEVER, I VOWED TO MYSELF and her priorities have changed and my personal life and her come first.
Since I made this change, guess what? I have made more success in my life.
I have really been able to embrace the good stuff and enjoy moments I used to let slip by.
So I excused myself from the team and headed out to meet her, we walked a bit and then found a park to just sit in the grass and talk about our day, our weekend plans and just smile at each other.
That sounds like corny BS. But I vowed to myself to be corny…it’s honest.
On a tough day, an entrepreneur needs breaks. The more busy you think you are, the more breaks you need. At least for me this is true.
Gocella is not my first start up but it is the most important company I have ever started…I designed product with a great team that will enhance and innovate the future of direct marketing across mobile and social. The experience of the team behind Gocella is pretty crazy, so crazy I can’t believe the team we have from dev, to tech, to sales, to corporate. I am really blessed.
After a day of my brain being electrocuted, I met my friend Bugsy for a beer and he invited me to the Eminem concert for Gshock. Effin Eminem!
I turned it down and headed home.
Just having a beer with Bugsy was a bonus we have been friends for about 19 years. Eminem would’ve lasted one night. Bugsy is my friend for life.
This was truly one of those days to be grateful. You having zero doubts who real friends are. You know when someone really cares, you got to be productive…you stayed inspired and dedicated. If I can have that every day that’s worth a gazillion dollars.
On the drive home there was an accident. Ambulances and police and lights flashing everywhere. My usual 25 minutes was 90 minutes. I switched from Jay Z to classical and some Andrea Bocelli. Wall to wall traffic.
Should I send an email to question timing on a deal
Should I respond to an email just because the person is influential and wants to meet with me
Should I schedule the meeting even though I know the outcome is something I don’t want
Should I send flowers yet or again
Should I delay launch again because I’m afraid I don’t have the best product ready
Should I wait for her to call or text me first
Should I apologize every time I feel guilty about not getting back to someone sooner
Should I…
Yup I know this list can go on and on and it’s a daily list we go through personally and professionally everyday and we all have one!
I don’t have to do much I’m an entrepreneur… I could wake up late, miss a meeting, take a day off to spend with my special someone, play pinball, I could send every call to voice mail, I could ignore any email I want and I can stop time that’s my super power. Well the real power and freedom is knowing I can do all of these things so I work that much harder on my life and my work.
However I will not progress, I will not beat my competition, my company won’t grow, I will fail, but I succeed and fight the fight because I know if I really wanted to I could stop time for a moment and all can be ok. This freedom is a gift that I must use wisely and share with only the most special people and parts of my life.
So how do we decide what we should do, I have thought about this a lot and sought advice from many but my friend James really broke it down to me by enhancing Einstein’s law of relativity to his own law to be announced by him. James and I agree a lot in business I’m his protege and business partner but more importantly his friend. I respect his advice.
Choosing whose advice to follow in life is very difficult in business and personal so I came up with my own rules on whose advice to listen closely to and sometimes follow. Also keeping in mind advice from others can be just a piece to of the advice we need to give ourselves.
Business Advice: This one is a bit easier for me because it’s more mathematical:
What has the person done right and wrong in their career?
Do they admit and embrace their errors more than their accomplishments?
What experience do they have on the topic or problem I need advice with?
Knowing the difference between someone bragging versus just using a past experience as an example?
What do they have to gain by giving me this advice?
Personal Advice: Comes down to just a few MAJOR rules/questions I have:
My relationship with this person and how we have been there for each other over time?
Never listen to any advice when someone says, you better take my advice
When someone says, you don’t have to take my advice I am just trying to help
When someone says, I know you are probably not going to take my advice but…
When someone says, here is my advice but you will and need to do what is right for you and no matter what you do I will support you
The gut…what does that mean, do we grab our stomach and ask it what to do, do we wait until we think about something so much we throw up and then boom there is the answer in the toilet bowl we are hugging?
My gut is my heart and every day I look closely at what I do to see if I followed my heart’s guide me and then look at the outcome of all those things all those “shoulds” and how it made me feel emotionally and physically.
It is tough the anxiety that comes with this way of following your heart. My heart knows my brain well they have been working together a long time so I trust them. My decisions now come from a conversation between my heart and my brain that turns into heated arguments sometimes as my heart fears nothing sees no risk and my brain is concerned with emotions and how that may affect me, in the end they are both trying to protect me.
Emotions are tough, smiles, tears, butterflies in our stomach and fear sometimes all at once.
I feel so tough saying this as if I can handle any emotion and just move on…total opposite I am nervous wreck, I worry about my list of shoulds, I worry if people like me, I worry if I can’t close a deal in time, I pace for hours at times to think of all these things I can’t control but need to understand, I stay awake for hours worrying about other people, finances, product, family and love. This is because I care and when I am passionate about something or someone I must give my all…my best.
I am able to keep a lot of these emotions to myself or oddly feel they are meant for someone special to only know about so I can either scare them away or feel safe that they know my crazy side and still like me. So they can be the same with me and feel safe that I appreciate even their crazy side.
We are all “crazy”, we are all afraid of our feelings and we all just want to be loved for who we are…we all bleed.
My heart guides all of me and with my brain helps me have spirit so I can feel the decisions I make, so I can take risks to be me, so I can show the right people the right parts of me so I can obtain freedom and share it.
After 38 years I thought nothing could feel that new I was wrong everything is new everyday so treat your first like your last and your last like your first.
Listen to your heart and argue with yourself, you know you better than anyone.
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